Small wins

 

Been meaning to use this picture for some emo quotes but I managed to cold turkey for 3 weekdays and that’s a win for me. And Alhamdulillah today she managed to open her eyes for a good half an hour and that’s a win for us. Insha Allah. This picture is a flower wilted from the plant and landed on mom’s newly painted corridor floor still looking pretty. Gonna try to find the pretty in the everyday. 🥹

Life update

 

While I was grappling to live with your lies and to accept the fact that you have the audacity to sell a sob story, came a call that turned everything around. To remind me of how wasted my tears were and the repeat lesson of not to take everyone seriously. It’s just too easy to get away with lies ain’t it?

It’s been almost a week of no news or updates and it’s increasing my anxiety to the top and I know I should just give them the space and privacy though I very much wanted to msg and ask for the latest. This is teaching me patience and to redha and put my trust in Allah fully.

Niece’s wedding was lovely and just look at the goodies the boy got. Been secretly munching them for my endorphins intake. Looking at life, I’m thankful for the many who’ve cared and sayang me so you being probably the only liar in my life will not shake me. Allah ada. 

Movie date night

 Glad he enjoyed his NE show. 

Can’t believe he went to the toilet there. 

Pretty funpack but he’s missing clappers.

The dad bought him this last night so that he could capture some memories back. There’s totally none digicam left at stores now. 

So since he’s away for almost 8 hours, we took the precious opportunity to go for movie night. And tak nak tengok dekat2 ye. Went all the way to PS. Saw long q at Popmart and so happy I got both in my fave colours.

The skullpanda left with the only one and the gummy had to get from counter. Lucky night!

It’s been so long since we last watched a movie with almost full house. It was only the front row left empty. 

And funnily our row didn’t budge and waited for the scenes after the credits. Not bad huh. What a long Saturday started with me making burgers siap with fries for bf, did laundry, husb had his appt, rushed for movie, queued for Popmart, back at mall for late dinner and picked up the son. I even bought revision book and some nitty gritty stuff and angkut them all to the movies. But felt grateful for today. 💙

Feels fresh

 Sis slept over last night and today we had to go NP cos she wanted to grab books and I got my blind box bubble tea plush. Heh. Didn’t wait for bro and went to Mom’s straight. 

Bro came with all these! Can’t wait to have them tmr cos today’s too full. Went to visit Obek, all 5 of us. He was surprised could see from his eyes. After that we went over to West Coast. 

Bought satay and prawns and finally tried Sedap Bhai rojak. Pedas ye. Weekends get alot more precious. Oh sil helped me cut my hair and I feel oh so light and fresh!

Biarla if senget ke ikal mayang sangat ke cos now most of the knots are trimmed. 

Days are getting easier Insha Allah. Despite the msg, I managed to not reply but I did what I was informed. 

So thankful for the emotional lesson. 

tgif

Alhamdulillah. Reached Friday. 

Been tough trying to fight demons, eh. Fight your own feelings, willpower but we’ll keep going. 

My super full cases. Really no more space for new ones.

Scared to take out and take count of the plush keychains I have in the box.

And paksa armadillo to give me this cheer bear cos he has 2. Hehe. Thanks bestie! 🥹

Back to fighting demons. Now.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Alhamdulillah. Khatam Quran today. 5th time of my life but still ashamed that I haven’t memorised much or tafsir or learn in depth. The last few pages such a struggle, like neverending, sampai berpeluh2, sampai suara da nak croak. But Alhamdulillah still. Though the last khatam was in 2023. tsk.

Last of me

 

“Sudahlah Maaaak, Mak kan dahde bapak.” 

The son consoled.

The only way to get out of the mess is to remove the mess.

Let me grieve you starting from today.

It’s been cray cray

 What a long wkend! Boy’s down since Friday and he gave us betul nye anxiety ye. His body reacted to the stronger antibiotics and turned itchy. Had to stop and then follow-up with the doc again today. Though the husb took leave to actually spend time with him. 

And just now only his vomits returned full force together with stomach pain. Ehhhh. Thankfully now he’s settled in for the night.

Dropped by cousin’s to collect Kunafa chocs. 

Didn’t expect these many! There’s like something for everyone. So thankful. 

And this. Why so apt eh? After stumbling upon the most heaviest info last wkend too, I’ll be looking like this the next time I see you. Tapi don’t worry la, i’ll make sure there’s never going to be a next time. And to think that you totally have no guilty conscience one tiny bit about the lies but I have a feeling that you simply gonna put it that the stories were legit and the facts just not shared because we haven’t reached there yet. Actually i’m more relieved than angry or frustrated. And lucky that the husb has been such an easy going one that we sometimes joked about it. 

Trust the unfolding

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
 ~ Rihanna

Rebirth

 Aha. Probably never before.

A movie on a weeknight smack in the first week of school.

It was last minute. 

But of course he had to complete his hw first. 

But we managed to actually be ready for bed as per other days. 

This week’s been a blur. A little something to cheer me up. Why am I already looking forward to the long wkend?

Let’s hope tmr gonna be better or well at least return to norm? 

This is IT

 This time it’s real.

No matter what I feel.

You checked on me first and last thing each day,
 the fact that you knew how to reach out but you didn’t.
 It started flurry and now I had to walk away,
 I need to walk on, even though my heart couldn’t.
It will be okay soon and won’t be so sore
I shall pull through just like before
But it’s not fine to be writing at 1-ish
Seeing your name I might miss